She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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