I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
How naked do you want me to be?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
