I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
