I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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