I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
