separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
