My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
