I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
