I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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