Sponge bath it is.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
