I puked a lego.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
