Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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