Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
