Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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