new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
