Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
