I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
