I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
