You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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