I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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