go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
