That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
