Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
