i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
