I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
