and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
