Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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