I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
