You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
