omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
