Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
