areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
