so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
