You made me cry and you don't even care
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
