Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
