I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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