Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
