A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
