So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
