i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
