he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
As shirtless as possible
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
