just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
