Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
false alarm, still single
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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