We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
