we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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