well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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