I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
