Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
