Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
