Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
